Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Dawn of the Distillery: Reports of Zombies in Louisville
This week, reports began surfacing of life at the site of the old Stitzel-Weller distillery in Louisville, Kentucky.
"It's un-nach-ral what's goin' on there," said one local, "once something's dead, it ought stay dead."
The Stitzel-Weller distillery died in 1992 of bad marketing and corporate downsizing, but recently, there have been strange goings on at the distillery site.
Rumors of life at the distillery started last weekend when several prominent whiskey bloggers, broke the news. The Whisky Aficionado Spectator Blog reported that the reanimation had been accomplished through "some combination of radioactive spiders, frog dna, gamma rays and lightening." Several hours after a freak lightening storm, locals told of a bearded man with a cigar seen ambling around the distillery grounds shouting "Brains, brains! But always fine brains!"
This would not be the first report of a zombie distillery. In Scotland, there are many popular folk tales about distilleries with names like Ardbeg and Bruichladdich that came back from the dead, but most consider those mere legends, similar to that of the Loch Ness Monster.
Shortly after the reports broke in Louisville, concerned townsfolk gathered at the KFC Yum! Center to make plans. Several had ordered pitchforks from Amazon and were intent on surrounding the Distillery. Many were also arming themselves. Popular lore is that the only thing that can stop a zombie bourbon distillery is a bulleit made in Indiana.